Monday, April 28, 2014

I love helping people.  Ya know? It feels so good to hold a door for someone, to take dinner to someone (even if I just picked it up at Zoe's) or carry a burden for someone.  Brian is that way too.  He is at his finest when he is serving others.  Doing things for others just feels so natural.  Its this warm and wonderful niche that God made for us.  Interestingly enough....it is incredibly difficult and uncomfortable for us(Team Jones) to allow someone else to serve us.  It just feels weird.  I don't even feel right when people want to bring food to my house just for fun.  My issue with this must be pride related. I can remember when my Grandfather passed away and my family had a very rough week with transitioning my grandmother into a nursing home and grieving and everything that happens with the loss of a loved one.  Two of my dearest friends brought me food....because....well they knew me and they knew that even though I was smiling that I was literally exhausted.  It was LITERALLY the one time in my life that I felt being served was acceptable.  I felt broken and weary...and well...I needed someone to stand in the gap for me....to nourish me-not just physically -with a yummy meal...but emotionally....with support....the sight of foil wrapped casseroles was like a balm to my heart. 
It should't take grief to break down my pride.  I want to be that broken and open and allow others to pour their love in to me...and not be prideful and say...I can do this.  I am not 100% sure why I have always had an "I can do it myself" kind of attitude (I blame my favorite book as a child- Sesame Street's "I can do it myself")...but I think of the thousands of times that I have blocked the servant hearts of others because I was proud or uncomfortable.  I  know that God is seeking to change that about me (and Brian).  With all that is going on in our lives, we are having to allow others to serve us....if we are to accomplish all that we need to accomplish before our big move....we have to do what is uncomfortable...we have to not only allow people to help us....but (gasp).....we must ask for help.  That is the scariest thing about our upcoming move.  Following God's call on our life isn't scary.  It is necessary....its like air or water...we need to follow His call to live.  Allowing other people to help us follow the call....well, that is just where God is bending and stretching and stretching and bending us....and I know it will be good.  I know God has it all under control.  But, that doesn't mean that it isn't uncomfortable.  Pray for me to just take this pride off.  I cannot do it myself.  I need HIM every moment of every day...and I need to allow Him to use other people to see His plan for my life come to fruition!


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